Stress, Anxiety Hypochondria, whatever you want to call it

either i really am dying or i need to be peremently banned from having access to doctors apporintments. In the past week i have attemepted to make no less then four doctors appointments, becuase i was sure i was dying. What were my symptoms you might ask? I had a clogged ear and an eye twitch. Howver wheni looked it up Doctor google told me i was either totlly fine and itll respove on its own or i was having an annyurism and needed to seek immediate medical attention. te only reason i have not bother the shit out of th edoctors here is becaue i am way to shy to call the doctor personlly and everytime i have trying to make an online appotinent, ive lost service and the request never went through. That is untill today as the percistat eye twitching has gove on for three days and my attemet at appointment makng was fnally succssfull. Am i woored the doctr is going to think im a total crazy hypocondria, yes but id rather know then have the anziety about dying constantly. However totlly not a coincidene but if you lok up eye twitching, it might say that it is a sypotom of stress and poor sleep, which guilty. But again irrelevant.

On a more generaic note, having anxiety has to be one of the emost annoying things in my life. Becaue it affects so much of my life in different ways. I have social anxiety that makes me feel like everyone is alwyas laughing a me or thinking that what im doing is Wong. which i know logically is not the case and that nobody even noticieces or cares what im doing. but it keeps me form doing a lot of fun thngs or when i do go out of my way to get yslfe out. Im in a constant state of stress and panic. On top of that i have health anxiety where every pinor feeling i have phyically is some small sympotom that actually means im dying. And while the feelins are fine to manage, they manifest in phycially ways. When im feeloing stressed it effects how i breath (meaning not enough or too much) and that has a whole boat load of consequensces. Its extreemly draining when my anxiety is really bad im exjausted and just ant to whole up in my bed al day, but i also am restless and cant sleep. And isoloation and lack of sleep only increases the isseues. Its a vissouce cycle i get stuck in untill one day i wake up and realize that its over.

i also hate taking about my anxiety becaue im away that its not an excuse for anything. I cant take off work for it, i cant be a bad or inactive friend or family member. But its also so discourgaing tryning to contine being normal and go about life when internally i feel like im fallig apart. Even when i know its all mental it doesnt take away the feelings. I do hpwver belive that talking about it constantly only makes it worse. I feel best when im not focusing on myslef or look too closly into how im feeling. but its a ballance bettween not talking about it. so idont notice anything off anout myslfe. But alos needing to vent when it is getting bad.

Visouce cycle that littlerly never stops.

Solo Travling in Scotland/ UK

This post is basically going to be about “how many silly things I do because of my anxiety.” That said, I’m still fully capable of traveling on my own. I just take a few extra steps to ease the constant nagging thoughts telling me everything I do is wrong or weird.

Traveling in Scotland, particularly in Glasgow, is actually really easy. But, as with any place, the experience changes slightly depending on the city or even the bus services. Travel between the US and the UK is not comaprable, being form Texas public transportation there was practically non-existent. I wouldn’t even consider using it because, frankly, it felt like a deathtrap. Fortunately, I had a car, which meant I could go anywhere, and most places offered free parking.

In contrast, the public transportation in the UK is phenomenal (unless you ask a local, in which case they’ll complain about unreliable buses). But for someone who’s never experienced a system like this before, I think it’s pretty great, and I’d definitely recommend it over renting a car. Not only do I not trust myself to drive on the opposite side of the road, but there’s really no need for a car unless you’re traveling long distances. The city isn’t built for cars—there’s little parking, and when you do find a spot, you’ll have to pay. It’s much easier to walk or take the subway or bus.

Personally, I prefer the bus. It’s more reliable at night, while the subway is almost always on time but has very odd hours and occasionally closes, so I don’t rely on it too much. That said, the subway is cheaper—by about a dollar. Most of the time, though, I just walk everywhere. I find that getting on the bus and having to press the “stop” button stresses me out for some reason, but overall, navigating the system is really easy. Plus, there’s no need to talk at all, which I absolutely love.

I use Apple Pay for bus rides because I don’t use a bus pass—I’m just a “pay-as-you-go” kind of girl. But keep in mind, this doesn’t apply outside of major cities. In smaller towns, you’ll need to tell the bus driver where you’re going, and they’ll print out a ticket for you. And don’t forget: you still have to press the button to stop, or the driver will just zoom past your stop!

As for actual navigation, Maps has been super helpful. It’s easy to get around, and I love exploring the city on foot. There’s so much to see—beautiful architecture, parks, and hidden gems you might miss if you’re following a strict itinerary. I’m also a huge fan of trying out different coffee shops or finding quiet places to read or work. That said, I won’t lie: I spend a considerable amount of time casing out a place before I muster the courage to go inside. And let’s be real—I’m probably beet red the entire time I’m in there, terrified I’m doing something wrong. But I’ve never had a bad experience—everyone is super friendly.

When it comes to getting out of the cities, I love staying in Airbnbs. I’ve found some really cool places, like old churches converted into homes, which is honestly so cool. I definitely recommend staying outside the city and taking a bus into town for your activities. It’s much cheaper, and you get better views. Just keep in mind that Uber isn’t really a thing here, and finding a ride outside major traffic areas can be a challenge. In smaller towns, buses are your best bet, but they run less frequently.

That being said, I couldn’t recommend Scotland—especially Glasgow—enough. I’ve been living here on my own and have never felt unsafe. Of course, I stay vigilant, but I walk around at all hours, wearing headphones, and I’ve never felt even a little bit scared. It’s such a freeing experience, and I’m definitely going to miss it when I go back home!